It’s not my fault . . . Seriously, it isn’t — my hands are tied and despite poring over the dictionary, I can’t find any other suitable words.

So if you think this is déjà vu, well, then you’re right, because for the fifth year in a row, the Playhouse panto is a rip-roarer of a show.

I know, I know, I said the same last year, and the year before (and oh hell, the year before that too), but sometimes GOOD really does triumph, and Mother Goose proves that. Hands down. No contest.

Its feelgood factor just about beats scaling Everest or watching, at last, a girl group win X-Factor, and almost uniquely I’d say, it does what so many Christmas movies claim, but fail to do — it reminds you what it feels like to be a kid again.

Truth be told, if I had a choice between watching some multi-award winning Shakespearian epic, or Broadway smash, that the critics love and tradional theatregoers fawn over, I’d plump for this.

Sure, it takes a while to get going (about 11 minutes by my watch), but after that, it’s nothing short of a Christmas present you always wanted but never thought you’d get.

Production-wise, it is breathtaking — the flight around the world aboard the goose that lays the golden eggs is magical. In a more current vein its staging of Jesse J’s It’s Not About The Money is inspired.

Plus, the theatre itself is always so welcoming, so Christmassy that before you know it (and even when you shouldn’t) you start pointing a finger and shouting “Behind You!”.

The cast give it their all (and why shouldn’t they? — a screaming, laughing, cheering throng of theatregoers has got to be why they stepped on stage in the first place), and that most coveted of roles, the dame, is masterfully played by Chris Larner.

Similarly, the boo-hiss-baddy, the Wicked Witch of Walberswick (Ashleigh Gray) will scare the children and excite the dads, while Billy (Paul Charlton) manages to be everybody’s friend. Terrific.